A jury decided that Donald J. “Grab Them by the ….” Trump
should pay $83.3 million in damages to E. Jean Carroll, the woman he raped and continues to defame. This is on top of the $5 million he was ordered to pay just a few months ago for doing the same damn thing.
Now, I’m no fancy big-city lawyer, although I’m probably slightly better than the Lionel Hutz attorneys Trump has (likely not) been paying. That said, I’ve come up with a three-step process that would have prevented Trump from paying such a massive amount.
Pay attention, Donald!
- STEP 1. Don't rape women. That’s kind of a big one. I shouldn’t have to explain it.
- STEP 2. Don't smear the victim. Also, don’t repeatedly smear the victim after you’ve smeared her. Finally, you definitely should not smear the victim IN FRONT OF THE JURY when the entire point of the trial was how much you should pay for smearing your rape victim in the first place.
- STEP 3. Don't hire a lawyer based on how hot you think she is. I know you were scraping the bottom of the barrel since no one wants to defend you. And I know nobody wants to defend you because you suck, can’t control yourself, and never pay up. But this is what extreme incompetence costs you. Alina Habba famously stated that her looks were more important than anything, because she could “fake being smart.” Apparently not. Her very first statement to the judge was “I don’t know how to try this case,” and it ended with the judge threatening to put her in jail because of her unhinged, screaming outbursts during the trial.
And that’s it!! Note: You really don’t need steps 2 and 3 if you just follow step 1.
I now see Republican politicians and Trump’s moronic supporters are doing everything they can to defend their rapist-in-chief. Sadly, Trump is likely to raise a lot of money off of this, because nothing says “presidential” like rape and defamation.
Do better. Be Best.