I ran the following status yesterday on my Facebook page:
I have an idea. Everyone who has joined the berate teachers bandwagon should be required to subteach K-8 for a few days and report back on their findings.
I ran the status because I'm an attorney, but spent a year substitute teaching while setting up my own private law practice. My story is set forth below:
I sub taught several times in 2008 when I was starting my own firm and was just beginning to get clients. For the privilege of being yelled at by school neighbors who didn't want me to park my car anywhere near the school in which I was teaching their children, I had to take an $800 physical at my own expense to prove I don't have typhoid, tetanus or tuberculosis or something I knew I didn't have, dig out my college transcripts and get several letters of recommendation.
I started out opting for middle school jobs. That's 6th, 7th and 8th grade. I also taught 5th. I thought I could relate better to the older kids.
One day the 5th graders were so bad they wrote me an apology note at the end of the day on their own volition. The 6th graders played the old trick where they tried to give me each others names when I took roll. I was wise to it, so they got mad and sat in the back the entire time while I taught the few who wanted to learn in the front.
The 7th graders decided to rough- house during a science lab in which they were burning food items to calculate calories. Thankfully, I stopped them from burning down the school. The 8th graders slept through a video their teacher left for me, but that was lucky because the class was home ec, so at least I didn't have to cook with them and risk burning down the school.
Once, the school district called me and begged me to take a kindergarten class. The kids were cute and sweet and hung on me like my outfit was made of velcro. I learned about the "friend of the nurse", the kid who always has some ailment and asks to go to the nurse. Despite the warning from the other kindergarten teacher, I took him to the nurse anyway because who wants to be that idiot sub who refused the request only to find the kid deathly ill an hour later? Then, I learned, like the line in the movie, "you never turn your back on kindergarten." I needed a drink and a nap after a full day of kindergarten, two classes.
Then, I wised up: 2d and 3d grade only, no maybe a little 4th too. I became Miss Peach to the 7-9 year old set. Those kids are cute and they still want to please adults, but don't hang on you. Like kindergarten, however, you cannot turn your back 2d, 3d and 4th graders, so forget going to the bathroom for 6 1/2 hours. I ran a series of math contests for the 3d graders based on something my old 5th grade teacher taught me-- when you subtract--you don't "borrow" from above, but below. It goes way faster. The kids were having so much fun subtracting in competition with the new method that they were screaming. The principle and coach ran in the room thinking the kids were killing me.
One day in 2d grade, the mystery parent story reader decided to remain a mystery and not show up. That left me with a full hour of nothing to do with a room full of 2d graders, the stuff of which nightmares are made. I had already read several books with them, and we were finished with the lessons left to me by the ill teacher, so I needed something new. On the fly, I tweeked a team building exercise I learned at a corporate job. I had the kids stand against the wall in a line. Step forward if you.... (changing the topics to kid friendly ones such as "if you have a cat..." "if you have a brother and a sister...") They loved the game.
The 4th graders got into a little political discussion about endangered species after reading an article in their montly student magazine. It ran across my mind that some ginned up parents were likely to complain if I didn't tow the right wing line. I wondered how the regular teachers handle issues that can be viewed as political, and if they fear Fox News running a "public interest" story designed to take away their jobs if they don't spout creationism and pretend labor history never happened.
I've also sub'd special ed. I clutched a deeply autistic boy for an afternoon. I had to because he had the tendency to bolt into the hall, run away and hide when he was stressed. He was stressed because his regular teacher was out for the day and he was left with me. He also had the tendency to put small objects into his mouth. The room was full of small objects for the other kids, of varying degree of disability, to play with. As a sub, I wasn't required to attend to his bathroom needs, but another teacher did it. That lazy tax leech had to deal with a 9-year old's poop.
Some of my special kids were less disabled and were mainstreamed. I had to keep an eye on an exceptionally pretty high functioning autistic 7th grade girl one day while the 8th grade boys flirted with her compromised judgment. I imagine her parents have a handful now that she's in high school. Another time, I was aiding for two autistic boys during an arts and crafts exercise trying to keep them from disrupting the class and cutting off their fingers, or each others'.
I've taught art and gym in addition to math, science, reading and social studies. I've had to show 1st graders how to glue without gluing their sleeves to the table, cleaned paint off learning center carpeting and actually had to play kick ball all these years after I thought kick ball was passé. The other teachers plotted to stick the sub with recess duty one day. Think about how you keep 50-60 kids from running into the street or beating on each other when you don't even know any of their names.
The teachers I worked with were all very young, I presume because they've forced the older teachers into retirement. It's an educated guess because I also sub'd with several older, former teachers who were forced into retirement before they were ready to retire. I learned a lot from them, a lot that the kids miss in their absence.
There were good days and bad; some stressful moments and some laughs, but none of it was easy. At least no one was hurt, not even the class pet (a reptile I had to feed bugs to one day). It made practicing law seem like a breeze and I'd like to see some of the lazy tea partiers I saw swilling beer and laying around in the sun last summer at tea party events teach the classes I've taught.