Dear Mr. Moulitsas:
Thank you for your kind invitation to your social gathering on Thursday, February 16. I regret that I will be unable to attend. Although my job has some flexibility, I could not manage to spend 9-4 in San Francisco and still drop my children off and pick them up from school on time.
I expect that the party favors alone, $1 and a signed copy of your book, will be sufficient incentive to attract plenty of people to spend not only Thursday but also part of Wednesday at your event. Even though it takes the Bay Area Kossacks several weeks to round up a few dozen locals for a weekend get together, as a frontpager and the founder of the site, you should have no problem in getting more than enough people to make your event a success with less than a week's notice.
Don't be deterred by the few dozen Kossacks who have criticized the event. You are probably wise to ignore the advice of amateurs. After all, what do a bunch of people hanging out on a blog know about anything? It's best to leave this to the professionals. Besides, you know how annoyed some people -- like doctors, lawyers, political consultants and ad execs -- get when a consumer asks for an outside opinion.
Some of those who have criticized the event just may be declining your invitation. Even if there is some basis to the concern that union workers may have some objection to the terms of your gathering, you are bound to find many people willing to look like union workers in the Bay Area. I hear hard hats are very popular.
I wouldn't worry about PETA disrupting your event. They are probably too busy trying to convince the viewers of Entertainment Tonight that it's cool to be a vegetarian just like their favorite celebrities. That, or taking pictures of naked stars who refuse to wear fur. And ALF? Well Homeland Security has their time all tied up just now. No, no, the Animal Rights crowd likely will be too busy to notice.
You might get some objections from the Animal Welfare crowd about even the appearance of an ass being kicked; but they're a bunch of fuddy-duddies -- no one Progressives need to worry about. Unlike Animal Rights advocates, many in the Animal Welfare crowd don't think much about animals other than their pets, sentimentalizing donkeys and horses as working pets. Why would Democrats care about offending moderates or apoliticals from the Humane Society, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, or anyone who has taken a child to a petting zoo or watched Animal Planet? Especially not the religious people who think donkeys sing "The Friendly Beasts" or are as smart as Balaam's Ass. They're a bunch of Church Ladies. Who needs them?
Although I have not read your book yet, I hear that you have a chapter about Special Interest Groups. I see that you have the disabilities interest group covered by someone in a wheelchair. Since you have that slot filled, I doubt you'd need a little girl with Down Syndrome, like my daughter, to attend. I expect you have already been contacted by enough people representing other Special Interest Groups. After all, you have your pick of over 70,000 Kossacks who no doubt will gladly drive for hours or even hop a plane just for the opportunity of having their faces identified in a commercial in which you kick a donkey.
Again, while I have no doubt that it would be tremendously entertaining and intellectually stimulating to spend all day in San Francisco hanging out with Kossacks and chatting up celebrities, I must decline.
Regards,
Rusty Pipes